A Midsummer Night's Dream Act 4 Scene 2
Athens. Quince's house.
The Original
Plain Modern English
Enter Quince, Flute, Snout and Starveling.
Quince
Have you sent to Bottom's house? is he come home yet?
Quince
Have you sent to Bottom's house? Is he home yet?
Starveling
He cannot be heard of. Out of doubt he is transported.
Starveling
Nothing's been heard of him. He's certainly been carried off. (The word also meant 'dead.' They aren't sure which they mean.)
Flute
If he come not, then the play is marred: it goes not
forward, doth it?
Flute
If he doesn't come, the play's ruined. It can't go
ahead, can it?
Quince
It is not possible: you have not a man in all Athens
able to discharge Pyramus but he.
Quince
Impossible. There isn't a man in all Athens
capable of playing Pyramus except him.
Flute
No, he hath simply the best wit of any handicraft man
in Athens.
Flute
No — he simply has the best brain of any working man
in Athens.
Quince
Yea and the best person too; and he is a very paramour
for a sweet voice.
Quince
Yes, and the best figure too. And he's an absolute lover
for a sweet voice.
Flute
You must say 'paragon:' a paramour is, God bless us, a
thing of naught.
Flute
You mean 'paragon.' A lover is — God help us — a
thoroughly wicked thing. (Quince said 'paramour' meaning a mistress. Flute corrects him. For once someone catches an error.)
Enter Snug.
Snug
Masters, the duke is coming from the temple, and
there is two or three lords and ladies more married:
if our sport had gone forward, we had all been made men.
Snug
Gentlemen, the Duke is coming back from the temple,
and two or three more lords and ladies have been married.
If our show had gone ahead, we'd all have been set up for life.
Flute
O sweet bully Bottom! Thus hath he lost sixpence a
day during his life; he could not have 'scaped sixpence
a day: an the duke had not given him sixpence a day for
playing Pyramus, I'll be hanged; he would have deserved
it: sixpence a day in Pyramus, or nothing.
Flute
Oh, dear old Bottom! He's lost sixpence a
day for the rest of his life. He couldn't have avoided sixpence
a day. If the Duke hadn't given him sixpence a day for
playing Pyramus, I'll be hanged. He'd have deserved
it. Sixpence a day as Pyramus, or nothing. (Their friend may be dead. What they're mourning is the pension.)
Enter Bottom.
Bottom
Where are these lads? where are these hearts?
Bottom
Where are the lads? Where are my good fellows?
Quince
Bottom! O most courageous day! O most happy hour!
Quince
Bottom! What a splendid day! What a happy hour!
Bottom
Masters, I am to discourse wonders: but ask me not
what; for if I tell you, I am no true Athenian. I will
tell you every thing, right as it fell out.
Bottom
Gentlemen, I have wonders to tell — but don't ask me
what, because if I tell you I'm no true Athenian. I'll
tell you everything, exactly as it happened.
Quince
Let us hear, sweet Bottom.
Quince
Let's hear it, sweet Bottom.
Bottom
Not a word of me. All that I will tell you is, that the
duke hath dined. Get your apparel together, good
strings to your beards, new ribbons to your pumps; meet
presently at the palace; every man look o'er his part;
for the short and the long is, our play is preferred.
In any case, let Thisby have clean linen; and let not
him that plays the lion pare his nails, for they shall
hang out for the lion's claws. And, most dear actors,
eat no onions nor garlic, for we are to utter sweet
breath; and I do not doubt but to hear them say, it is
a sweet comedy. No more words: away! go, away!
Bottom
Not a word from me. All I'll tell you is that the
Duke has had dinner. Get your costumes together, good
strings for your beards, new ribbons on your shoes. Meet
at the palace right away. Everyone go over his part.
The long and short of it is, our play has been chosen.
In any case, make sure Thisbe has clean underclothes. And don't let
the man playing the lion trim his fingernails — they need to
stick out as the lion's claws. And, dear actors,
eat no onions or garlic, because we're to speak sweet
breath. And I've no doubt we'll hear them say it's
a sweet comedy. — No more talk. Away! Go on, away! (He promises to tell them everything, then tells them nothing. Whatever happened in that wood stays his.)
Exeunt. — End of Act Four.